A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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