after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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