Im at strip club and am horny
I love black thongs
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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