I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
