We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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