There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
