I just saw a hot homeless man
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
