She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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