Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
So vagazzling was a success
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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