I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
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