whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
