:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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