every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
