I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
