Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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