im drinking this country out of the recession.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
