Moan for me like Helen Keller
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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