Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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