how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
