I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
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