what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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