I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
