Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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