I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize