Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
