We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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