I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
