I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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