Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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