Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
