You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
