No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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