yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
