So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
