Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Randomize
