everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize