It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
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