GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
