Pants 0. Shit 1.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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