If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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