that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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