Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
