Need sex. Gaining weight.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize