when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Just invented taco cereal.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
