Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
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