ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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