omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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