How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
