yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
