What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
