Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Holy shit dude........stairs
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize