My first STD was from a foam party
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Randomize
