he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
