Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
