I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize