i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Green mimosas i think yes
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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