Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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