had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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