woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
