the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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