I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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