She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
