The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
