I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
