cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize