We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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