Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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