a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize