I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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