All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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