My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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