genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
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